a year in review

Wow I dont know how many times i have tried to write something but it alwasy seems like I'm never able to get my words out right or I can never decide on what to write about. So college is...going to say the least and all I can do is day dream about a simpler day, this isnt what I expected at all...can I have a re-try? It's funny how when I was young I wanted to be a pharmacist or a fire fighter or a vetenarian but now that I'm here pursuing what I'll be doing the rest of my life all I can dream about doing is being a princess or dancer maybe a singer or writter, things that will never happen now...

So heres what I've been trying to spit out for the past 2 months, my review of my year.

2010. It was suppose to be my year, a year of big new positive change but...I feel like it all just passed me by in the blink of an eye and I did well, nothing. Sure I graduated with honors but found out that no one even knows that my diploma was "special", it's just another piece of paper showing that I played the system right. Sure I made it into college but then ulitimetly failed and set myself back.

The feeling of failure isnt something one can ever come accustome to. It feels like you failed not only yourself but all those people who had such high expectation, those ones who though you could do no wrong, pilling unsaid pressure onto your shoulders. Watching their faces as you tell them that kind of news hurts you more than what actually happened... So slowly and surely like always I picked up the broken pieces around me and found a way to handle this battle that had been dropped in my lap.

But on a brighter note there were some very memorable moments of tweenty ten, I found my long lost sister and best friend in the whole world, who no matter what she's doing or where she is she'll always make time to talk and bring a smile to my face. I got the promise of a life time from a very handsome gentle man and I became a mommy of a purple fish named Jimmy.

It really wasnt what I would imagine the year to be like what with all the hype everyone was making it out to be. For me it was just another chapter to add to my book. I've lost alot of friends and I wont deny how sad that makes me feel, for some we're miles apart and they'll forget about little ol' me left in this town and I wish them well. We were told High School would be the best years of our lives and now everyones saying College is going to be the best years of your lives. Each have their own special moments but I know exactly when the best years of my life will come I just have to make it through a little bit longer to get to my pot of gold.

Now here we are in 2011, I've got a semsmeter of college under my belt and frankly it sucks there are so many other things I'd like to be doing. All I do is hear stories from people who moves away to college they're having a blast...why aren't I? Why do I dread going to class? Why do I struggle to keep up? Why is this all just so...hard? I know they said it wouldn't be easy but now I have to figure out if its going to be worth it...

This year I need to do something with my life instead of just enjoying the ride, so as an ode to 2011 and for my 19th year I plan on a 365 day photo challenge. May 6th, my birthday and 3 year aniversery with the man of my dreams, I will begin and untill May 6th 2012 rolls around I wont stop...Now that I say it out loud kinda sounds like I'm getting in over my head...But I've said it so it is so now and untill then I hope to keep up with a blog a month or maybe more...

Live life to the fullest...think of all people on the titanic who passed up chocolate dessert

college girl

so it's been awhile, but theres an awfully good reason for that and one word college. yes i have started it and yes i am doing it...not even really sure what else there is to say....

i feel stressed

i feel nervous

i feel...wow

i still can't believe it, it was definetly a big change, it's kinda just like everyone tells you what college is gonna be like but then in other cases it's not. It's alot more work that's one thing...i thought my high school career was tough man i signed up for a wilder 6 more years, but hey i'll make it through one way or another, especially with my other half always next to me

I believe its really him who's carrying me through all this because it's the thought of my future with him that keeps me going....the day dream of our big house way out in the forest, where we can look up at the stars while he holds me in his arms, where our two kids and him will go out exploring and bring god knows what home, where on cold snowny nights it's just us stuck together, thats all i need is him to get through it all. college is the test and i have no doubt that he's going to be the one i make it out with.

things are hard, but hey thats life, no one ever said it was going to be easy when we signed up for it. You can either A. learn how to deal or B. Take lifes obsitcals in stides, learn from your mistakes, laugh it up, get messy, be silly, you've got one life to live. is this the type of life you wanna see flash before your eyes in those last few moments? if not change it, your still younge.

my life is full of new challanges and highs as of right now, its all set out in front of me leaving me for the picking. high schools over, the so called best years of our lives, yea sure we had fun and made some pretty great memories but this is the big leagues. this is where you plan your life now its up to you if youre going to fail or spread your wings and make the most out of everything that is thrown at you, because i believe God only gives you what he knows you can handle.

things may look bad and you might even shed a tear now and then (believe me i've been there) but i guess what i'm trying to say it's been worth it...i look back and i am proud of myself i'm proud of the standards i set and the accomplishments i made, it's shapped me into this prefectionist freak (my biggest accomplishment and flaw)

college is a new ball game and there are alot of people i'm missing, it's hard to just forget about the people you've gone to school with for 12 years they all left an impression on you good or bad, some even went as far as to leave footprints on your heart.

I know somethings aren't always going to work out as planned but isn't that what lifes all about, the unexpected? i guess theres not really much more for me to say without rambling on now, so look out world in the next 6 years i'll be knocking on your door

Price Charming

after spending a full 13 hour day with my handsome boyfriend, somethings can become very clear. laying in his arms stairing up at his peaceful face, the face that i fall for every time, i can always wonder to myself, why? why did this amazing man pick a shy quirky girl like me? why hasn't he run away scared by my family yet? why, over all the other pretty, confident, chesty girls, is he still with me miss average?

these questions can haunt and scare a girl...but some how you forget all these worries with one simple glance from him because, he did chose me quirks and all. You trust him with your life and then in one foul swoop he captures your heart, which seems like a fair trade after he as given you his. No amount of money or material objects could ever replace this precious gift, I could never ask for anything more.

as he holds your heart in his hands he can and will learn things about you, good, bad and ugly, wether you want him to or not. and as you look into his it slowly begins to open up and revealing secrets you never thought he would have, you begin to wonder how you ever got by with out him. your other half, the missing puzzle peice to your heart.

there is always the fear that you could lose him and with one swift move your heart can lay shattered around you and the peices will never fit back together, you will never be the same. but then a funny thing happens and you learn all that fear you have bottled up inside you, he feels too. You relieze for the first time that your superman does have a kryptonite, you.

then you fall for him, and not just a little crush, a head-over-heels, butterfly-fluttering, palm- sweating, happily-ever-after dreaming type of love.

you can never imagine doing anything without him now and forever...taking that step into college, together...saying I Do, together...buying a home, together....starting a family, together...vacations to know where, together...decorating a christmas tree, together...growing old, together.

as long as we're together facing the world doesn't seem so scary anymore. hand and hand forever and ever i know we can make it through anything.

things won't be easy, and there will be challenges along the way that will test us and our love...but always remember no matter how mad i am at you or how loud i yell...

i promise...to always catch you when you fall

i promise...to be your safe place to land when things get tough

i promise...to make you smile when you really don't want to

i promise...to make your problems mine so you never feel alone

i promise...to stand by you when it feels like the odds are against you

i promise...to love you unconditionally forever and ever and ever

you may have figured it out by now but let me make it clear just in case, i've fallen and fallen hard for my first and only boyfriend. I live, eat and breath for you. nothing you or anyone ever says or does will ever change my undenying love for you.

the reasons i feel for you are endless and you, yes you, make me fall madly in love with you every single day of my life (even when we argue). there is no man, creature, or thing i would rather spend the rest of my days with all the good bad and ugly, you've taken me as i am.

he can't and never will relieze how much i love him, he is my cinderella happily ever after knight in shinning armor one and only forever and ever, no matter what anyone says

BFF

best friends, the words often thrown around by little girls in a time when nothing could go wrong, a simpler time when there wasnt the distraction of school and boys and work. you alway thought you would be together through thick and thin, you were long lost sisters, you could always count on one another

but then, somehow, you fade away from each other when you never thought it would ever happen...and it usually hurts some more than others, the odd ball...the usual one to get shunned out of the group...

so in the end you pick yourself up and think to yourself, well i just must be to good for them, when in reality you miss them and wonder whats wrong with you. yet you grow up and move on and find new ''bffs'' but the same routine happens and soon enough you think something really is wrong with you...

you can try to forget about friends but, without them you'll be eatten alive in the social pool...your friends in the end are what keep you alive and what keep you going. but with each one thats gained and lost you learn a little about yourself

better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all

and things fall apart so better things can come together, so soon enough you relize the only kind of people you need in your life, the one that would do anything for you, and he made the promise to be there forever and ever through thick and thin. he takes me as i am even if im not to normal, nor is my family, he walked in when it seemed like every one else was walking out

im kinda in this mind-boggling, sense-numbing, heart-pounding, stomach-flipping, take-my-breath-away, head-over-heels, knee-shaking, day-dreaming, butterfly-fluttering type love, with my very own prince charming and bff.

I don't need anyone else, forever and ever and ever

the count down

22 days thats all i've got left of the summer, it feels like just yesterday i was walking across the stage and getting handed my diploma. 2010 my year, slow the heck down, please! college is knocking at my door and i don't think i'm ready to answer...but nobody ever is. who really wants to think about planning their life at the young age of 18 when the allure of friends and parties are so irrisistably strong? well luckily i don't have those distractions thanks to my parent and their constant lectures...i know they mean well but some days it feels like they're squeezing me so tight my head might just pop right off.

it seems like thats all thats talked about anymore in my house "did you get your student id?'' nope ''how about that parking pass?'' uh no ''you know what books you need yet?'' august 3rd mom "backpack?"working on it "got all your A+ in?''

ugh how old am i again? am i not the college girl now?

all the out pouring advice from anyone and everyone can be quite overwhelming and irritating at time, but they're just looking out for me, i know because, i really have no idea what i'm getting myself into...i really doubt they know any better though. hm....

who knows? guess we can all just be nervous and anxious yet excited together...and as long as were doing the best we can who's to call us wrong?